Monday, December 17, 2012

Swallowing my pride..

Sometimes being submissive, being the one to yield, biting my HARD.

Friday night I really wanted to go visit my new baby niece WITH my husband. He hadn't met her yet and the only plans we had for the evening was to go grocery shopping because our fridge and cupboards were so very lacking at the time. You see, I don't understand why we couldn't do both. Why did we have to choose between the two? Lets go real wild and do TWO things in one night! Crazy! In fairness, he gave me some options. I wanted him to choose though, I didn't want to force him to do something he didn't want to. He chose shopping , and its not that that didn't sound like a good idea to me but I had it in my mind I wanted to go see the baby. He said I could still myself. Not really what I had in mind. I really wanted to go together. He kept insisting we could just go Saturday and if not, then Sunday. The fact that meeting our niece for the first time wasn't looking like a big priority to him (at least through my eyes) really bothered me. I gave him lots of attitude and kept suggesting other alternatives or possibilities and questioning why we couldn't just do both. (Basically, I was acting like a five year old).

We were on our way home when it became apparent to me after texting with my sister-in-law, that seeing the baby Saturday was not going to be an option...she already had a bunch of her family members coming that day. She asked why we don't just come tonight (Friday). Lol!! Umm. That seemed to be the question of the night! I asked my husband again in the most whiney, irritated way possible about going to her house and he responded: "We. Will. Go. TOMORROW. Now stop asking, you're gonna get a spanking."

Well that was the first time he had actually sounded serious when he said he would spank me, and I was a little shocked. And a little mad. Not so much because of the threat of a spanking but because I knew what this situation called for.. It was like the line drawn in the sand. I was a little pouty because I knew this wasn't going to be fun for my pride. There were two ways this could go. Either I would obey and everything would be dropped and we could go on with our night...OR this would turn into an unnecessary fight (with a Pre-determined winner) ending with me turned over my husband's lap!

It wasn't really a question in my mind. But it doesn't change the fact that doing what was right, was not easy, and not fun. I became absolutely silent after he "drew the line in the sand". Partly because I was pouting, yes. But also because I knew if I were to say anything it would not be helpful or in any way constructive to the situation. I definitely think in the future I could handle myself better afterwards, not going silent with evil daggers shooting from my eyes... But you know, Baby steps;)

We ended up having a great night together, even though I was a little sassy. He took out some aggression on me later in bed together;)We talked about the night as we were cuddling and getting ready to go to sleep. He was proud that I was able to "bite my tongue" as he put it.

Hope everyone had a great weekend and thanks for stopping by!


Tuesday, December 11, 2012

His First "Edict"

Yep, edict....that's the word he used. The online dictionary defines the word "edict" as: any formal or authoritative command, proclamation. Sounds like something the royals would say if you ask me!

Nevertheless, it seems as though he's settling into his role...and appreciating it for what it is. He told me at first he thought this would be something that I was into for a moment but would fade away. Or that once I was told to REALLY do (or not do) something that I didn't want to, that I would not be able to submit. He's surprised, and happy to see thats not the case. That I've behaved as though DD is our lifestyle regardless of what he's doing.  That felt great to hear! He even gave a good friend of his who is experiencing some marital issues advice, referring (slightly) to what we've been doing. Why is it that men share this stuff so much more easily than women do??? Alright I'm going all over the place with this post!

Back to the topic at hand.....

The other night he tells me "I've got my first edict as head of this household....we need to get in the habit of cleaning up the house each night before's going to be YOUR job to remind me to get everyone in action". (You see, our house kind of looks like maybe some sort of catastrophe came sweeping through and the wreckage has been left for the Red Cross to come handle!! Which is clearly never going to happen. Ok, no it's not THAT bad. But it's not pretty's one of those areas I've wanted to improve in....keeping the house nice for my family. It's not that I necessarily believe I am the only one responsible for our home's cleanliness, but I do feel a sense of pride as a wife and mother when it feels good inside our home and dinner is made etc...).

I asked if I would be punished if this was forgotten. He said yes, that all I have to do is remind him. I am not responsible for cleaning by myself (um thank God). He thinks, and actually I agree, that getting the kids into this habit nightly will set them up to be more responsible and proactive as they get older. I like it! So let's see if I can remember this and if my husband will follow through! You'll be happy to know I'm past trying to "get in trouble" on purpose...I've received enough "good girl" spankings now to know he's got it in him!

P.S. I got myself a brand new all wooden hairbrush...What???? I'm just saying!! Lol

Happy Tuesday!


Friday, December 7, 2012

Giving it up...No, not like THAT;)

It's FRIDAY people!!! Wahoo! Can I just say I'm so happy this week is over? It's been busy and I'm ready for a little reprieve. A date night is definitely in order VERY soon!

With that being said something kind of unexpected happened last night. Not a "big" deal, but at this point, I suppose everything's a big deal to us;)

I outed myself to my husband....about my blog! He knew I was reading blogs but didn't really know about my writing my own, sharing stories about us. I read aloud each and every one to him. It's so funny how after all of this time and everything I've already shared (that mind you, did NOT make him go running for the hills) that I still worry. I still get shy and nervous about sharing these thoughts with him.  I still wonder if he will completely freak out and call the looney bin to have me committed....ok ok a bit dramatic, yes. 

I told him about my favorite bloggers to read (yep, you guys out there: June and Ward, NewBea, Ian and Lillie, Mick and Linda, Kitty the submissive wife, Susie, Christina, Clint and Chelsea...I'm leaving people out I know, but you get my point). I shared some of the stories that made me literally laugh out loud or that I found were very similar to ours. He loved it! He was so supportive, told me he only wanted me to share things I felt comfortable sharing and how any man would love to hear these things from his wife. Side note: Sometimes I wonder if this man has angel wings hidden beneath his shoulder blades like John Travolta in the movie "Michael". Good lord, I don't know how he does it! Haha anyways, I'm so grateful for the support. 

 I told him how Bea's husband over at NewBea's blog came up with a name for himself so she could refer to him as something other than "my husband". I love the idea and asked if he'd do the same.....he's still thinking. (Hey, names are a big deal...can't take it lightly,) Lol!

 Oh! I almost forgot I also shared the wonderful advice I got on my last post about the "devil on my shoulder" with him. He agreed and really liked hearing what other people thought. We live in a very small house and share a wall with our oldest child. One of his big concerns is having our kids overhear him spanking/lecturing me. I know several bloggers out there have had to deal with that issue as well. If this is you, could you remind me how you "tackled" that??

I wish all of you a safe and happy weekend! Thanks for stopping by:)


Friday, November 30, 2012

Hubby's Bday & The "Devil" On My Shoulder

Today is my sweet man's birthday. I want to take a moment to recognize what a great man/husband/father/friend/leader he is. I couldn't be more proud to be his wife. He works hard, he is smart, funny, super sexy;). Pretty much the whole package. Hehe

We've had a great week, lots of awesome love-making but man, we've both been exhausted in the mornings. 6:00am comes WAY too quick! He had told me earlier in the week he wanted to wait until his birthday (when we had the house with no kids) to have sex... the kinky kind at least.  I, of course, tried to be naughty and tempt him...wearing hot, red, lacy panties and flashing my bottom at him "innocently" as I undressed for the night. He just smiled and laughed..telling me "no, don't ask again".

In those moments, when its just us, I can't help but want to TEST him! I've told him several times "I don't believe you'll actually spank me" or tell him "No", just to see how he'll react. (I know, I know. I know what your thinking...thats not nice/respectful). It's actually a bit childish..I'm not proud:/  He can see what I'm doing, he's an intelligent guy so theres no point. He just says "I think you just want me to spank you." And the truthful answer is YES I do, but not if its not authentic. I don't want him pretending to be mad about something and spanking me. Not that sexual spankings aren't fun...I'm game for that too, but that belongs in a different category.

There's two sides to me at the moment, I very much want to to be a good/submissive wife. (He's the kind of man you just WANT to make happy...his heart is like gold.)But then there's that side to me that wants to KNOW he'll follow through, that he WILL discipline me. That he's not just "playing along".  I feel silly even saying that, but its true! I know he will direct me, and he'll even use a firm tone or expression with me if I'm not following. But there's that "devil" on my shoulder that wants to know what happens after all that.....

Maybe I should have titled this post like the Drew Barrymore movie Never Been Kissed...."Never Been SPANKED"??? Hehe

Thanks for reading!


Monday, November 26, 2012

"Direct orders" and the Christmas tree...

Since my last post, I took a little break from reading about and/or discussing DD with my husband. I wanted to give it a chance to become what it's going to be with out my constant pushing. For him to settle into his thoughts about the whole thing. I think that was a good move.  The funny thing is I was so worried after he told me he felt like he had to change..etc... But I can tell he really LIKES the authority and my willingness to submit to it. He makes little jokes, or remarks about him being the "head of household"... and even though he says it playfully I can tell its something that resonates with him. (now if only we could get him off his hang-up about Punishments! haha) All things in time, I suppose.

The other night we took the kids to get our Christmas tree, we brought it home and he started setting it up. Once it was positioned correctly in the stand he sat down on the couch. The decorating is usually up to the kids and myself. I got one of the chairs from our dining room table and stood on it to get the garland on top where I wanted it to be....he kinda voiced that he thought the chair didn't look sturdy and I wasn't real concerned. Then in the way I hear so many women describe "he got all HoH-y" and with a different tone in his voice, an amused but also serious look on his face, eyebrows up he gave me a direct order: "Jasmine, get down from the chair". I knew the kids were watching, all eyes on me. I felt this was a great opportunity to show them how I believe a husband and wife should behave. That I respect and obey their father. So I stepped right down off the chair, and that good sweet man stood up and told me he would get the high parts for me.

 I was so turned on in that moment, as weird as that may seem. I was kind of shocked that he told me (didn't ask...TOLD me) to do something in front of the kids. That he did it in a way that was still kind and respectful and wouldn't make anyone think twice.... The "knowing" look that passed between us, and the electric charge in the air was almost tangible. It was a moment, just one moment...but it meant quite a bit more. It meant that he understood me, that he "gets" it, that he cares. I think he understands now that being the head of our household and having authority over me/us/our family doesn't mean he's got to be an overbearing "jerk". The two things are NOT synonymous with each other.

This thing we do is probably going to be slow, it may even look different than I envisioned it would, but as long as I've got that man by my side all is well.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Second guessing...

The other night him and I got into a discussion, If you guessed about DD, then Ding! Ding! You are correct. These face to face conversations always cause me to clam up, like I'm trying to protect myself and I don't know why. I trust him more than any human being alive. But the second he questions me about what I want, how I see it, and why I want it my mind goes mushy. I hide behind a blanket all balled up or clench my hands and feet like I'm waiting for the downward drop of a rollercoaster. I'm scared. Why is it I can say the most intimate things when written down but when put into verbal communication I have nothing??

He told me his worries and honestly all his worries did....was worry me! He's afraid that we'll do this thing and go on another "course" and in the end I'll just end up thinking he's a jerk somewhere down the road...all the while thinking he's doing what I wanted. He feels like he has to change. And that makes me sad. I told him I don't want him to do anything he doesn't want to do, of course (where would be the submission in that... If I was dictating what we did?).

I'm feeling so vulnerable at the moment. Maybe the old saying "If it aint broke, don't fix it", was right. We had/have a good thing going already. We get along so well. What if I'm wrong about this?

Friday, November 2, 2012

A long shower and sweet beginnings...

I find it interesting that in most DD marriages/relationships the woman, or the wife, is so often the one to approach the idea and bring it to her husband's attention. (I fall into this category for sure). From an outsider's perspective I am sure the overwhelming conclusion would be the men are controlling and abusive and have brain washed their wives into "buying into" this idea. I first stumbled onto these type of blogs because of my google searches. I must admit, I was one of those women who poured through the pages of the 50 Shades trilogy with an equal amount of shock and excitement. It kind of woke something up inside of me that I could not ignore. Not that our sex was ever "bad"or in any way not good before, but we started mixing things up and trying things we hadn't done before and it was/is so fun. I knew though that part of what interested me (if I was going for honesty) was not just the hot kinky sex. In fact, that had little to do with this charged up, invigorated feeling inside me. I looked at the BDSM sites and they honestly scared me, some of it anyway. Being tied up and used for my husbands sexual pleasure is always a good thing... I'll go for that but there was something beyond the sex that inticed me. Then I found the DD community, first the Taken In Hand website and then LDD by Clint... and it connected for me. Again, as shocked and appaled as I was at first I kept coming back and reading more and more. I think it was hard to deny, even to myself, that I was just on the sites to gape in horror! Lol I wanted to feel that "ownership", I craved his authority, and wanted to feel his control over me. The idea that I was to obey him and there would be consequences if I did not, was altogether intriguing.  Finding my submissiveness wasn't hard, when I met him it was clear he had respect for himself and expected to be shown respect also. I don't think he conciously realized or was trying to convey that message, but he did and I fell in this wasn't a far leap for us in some ways. That didn't change the fact that I was beyond terrified to share this information with him that I felt made me "weird". I also knew I didn't want to have secrets or fantasies that he didn't know about, I wanted him to see what I saw and know what I was doing when I was on my phone for so long at night...and No, it wasn't Pinterest! Lmao! So my "coming out" to him went something like this:

ME: Honey, I sent you a few really really long texts....but I don't know if I want you to read them now. (I was second guessing myself and feeling so completely vulnerable).

HIM: "Oh?" his eyes perk up and there's almost a visible light that creeps over his face. I could tell he was humored by me. "Get my phone for me, would you?"

ME: "No really never mind, that's ok." (God, I can be so annoying, of course I wanted him to read them!) how disappointing would it have been if he said "ok why don't you delete them for me?" LOL!

HIM: "oh come on, whatever it is, it's ok. I want to read it". (I hand him the phone).

 He started reading and smiling and that's when I couldn't take it anymore; I stepped into the bathroom and took the longest shower of my life. I swear, I shaved every inch of my body that night as though my life depended on the smoothness of my shaved legs. I remember turning off the water, stepping out onto the mat wrapped in my big fluffy towel. I tried to think of more things I could do in there to delay. I brushed, flossed, moisturized... Lol I did it all! Finally there was only one thing left to do and that was leave the bathroom and face my husband.

I should have known better than to think he would be angry or judgmental but of course, my inner voice had gotten the best of me. He was sitting on the bed facing the bathroom door when I walked out and saw a (very cute) smile on his face. He told me he felt honored that I wanted to submit to him and what a good wife he thought I was. He assured me he didnt think i was weird at all. His only reservations were (and kind of still are) about punishing me. He told me I am usually always so
"good" and naturally submissive, he can't imagine needing to spank me for anything. Wow!!! (his
words, not mine.) And then of course he told me he doesn't want to hurt me or treat me like a child
which I understood but did my best to explain that I don't see it that way.

We made love that night and I felt so cherished. It wasn't kinky crazy sex, but the slow,soft, sweet kind that really embodies the term "making love". He took my towel off of me, and gently kissed and adored each part of me... I never feel quite as vulnerable as I do when he spreads my legs apart as wide as they can go and he just looks at me, taking all of my naked body in. I wanted him in such a deep and pleading way that night.... I am his.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Greetings Blogland!

Where to begin, where to begin?? It's so daunting starting out fresh with a blank "sheet", not knowing quite where to begin and yet having so much to say. I feel like writing this blog is important because I've got no one else to talk to about all these new experiences and all the questions that come with starting our DD marriage.... If that IS in fact what him and I are doing;)

I guess first of all my name is...well, I suppose you can call me "His Princess" or "Jasmine"(since that's the princess my husband says I remind him of). I am still on the fence about putting my name out there! Maybe I will soon. Anyways, I'm a mom, I have a good job (although I'd much rather be a stay at home mom, oh well can't always have what we want!). I love my husband fiercely. He's one of those men that people in general just can't help but like. I envy that quality in him.

Why DD? Well it's not that we have any real "issues". We get along very very well and because of our age difference, he's quite a bit older than me, he's always kind of naturally been the leader when it comes to him and me. We are Christian, and that plays a role in how I feel. I want to be the best wife possible and to be proactive about our marriage. I've seen more divorces than I care to speak about. I recognize that by God's design my husband is the authority over me and I am to be submissive to him. And oddly, I have found that I WANT to be. I want to make him happy, I want to obey him. In living out that role I feel that is honoring God. Now where does the discipline part come in? My husband is so easy going and just genuinely kind hearted. I can be a bit of a fireball, sassy, and if I really get going I try to control every little thing around me. I don't want to be that way and I have to say since meeting him I have naturally calmed down quite a lot. But those times I did go too far or give him attitude (that I regretted later).... I wish he had took me by the arm and looked in my eyes and told me it was unacceptable and if it continued I would be punished. So.... After a lot of thinking, researching, lurking on various blogs LOL, I told him just that. Of course when I did, I wasn't nearly as "cool, calm, and collected" as I sound right now;) I was so nervous and feeling so shy and vulnerable! But that's another story.....

Please feel free to comment...nice comments. I see things random people say to others around here and some of it is just down right rude/crazy. I don't expect everyone to like or agree with this but respect is always valued. Make no mistakes, I am in no way abused and never have been. I am a very happy wife/mother.

-His Princess aka Jasmine :)

Testing testing 123

Ok this is just a test. Trying to see if this will post and be viewable to everyone out there! If you happen to come by and see this it would be awesome if you left a little comment:) I've been having some "technical difficulties".