Since my last post, I took a little break from reading about and/or discussing DD with my husband. I wanted to give it a chance to become what it's going to be with out my constant pushing. For him to settle into his thoughts about the whole thing. I think that was a good move. The funny thing is I was so worried after he told me he felt like he had to change..etc... But I can tell he really LIKES the authority and my willingness to submit to it. He makes little jokes, or remarks about him being the "head of household"... and even though he says it playfully I can tell its something that resonates with him. (now if only we could get him off his hang-up about Punishments! haha) All things in time, I suppose.
The other night we took the kids to get our Christmas tree, we brought it home and he started setting it up. Once it was positioned correctly in the stand he sat down on the couch. The decorating is usually up to the kids and myself. I got one of the chairs from our dining room table and stood on it to get the garland on top where I wanted it to be....he kinda voiced that he thought the chair didn't look sturdy and I wasn't real concerned. Then in the way I hear so many women describe "he got all HoH-y" and with a different tone in his voice, an amused but also serious look on his face, eyebrows up he gave me a direct order: "Jasmine, get down from the chair". I knew the kids were watching, all eyes on me. I felt this was a great opportunity to show them how I believe a husband and wife should behave. That I respect and obey their father. So I stepped right down off the chair, and that good sweet man stood up and told me he would get the high parts for me.
I was so turned on in that moment, as weird as that may seem. I was kind of shocked that he told me (didn't ask...TOLD me) to do something in front of the kids. That he did it in a way that was still kind and respectful and wouldn't make anyone think twice.... The "knowing" look that passed between us, and the electric charge in the air was almost tangible. It was a moment, just one moment...but it meant quite a bit more. It meant that he understood me, that he "gets" it, that he cares. I think he understands now that being the head of our household and having authority over me/us/our family doesn't mean he's got to be an overbearing "jerk". The two things are NOT synonymous with each other.
This thing we do is probably going to be slow, it may even look different than I envisioned it would, but as long as I've got that man by my side all is well.
I think it's probably always a slow start when you are making a paradigm shift. I agree that this was a powerful moment. He stepped up and led, you stepped up and allowed him to lead. A funny phenomenon happens when we do that, they take care of us, and that is indeed yummy! He fed you, you fed him, and he fed you - reciprocity! I love it :) I bet if you asked him , he was equally pleased and perhaps 'turned on' by the exchange.
ReplyDeleteAnd you're right,dominance is about leadership. Dominance is not being domineering, too many people have the misconception that it is, and I think why some people have objections about our lifestyle.
June! My one friend here:) hehe but let me just say I can tell you're a good friend to have. You and Ward both come across as very wise people. About the husband I DID end up talking to him about it, how it kinda turned me on...my thoughts on how I feel it was a good example for our kids etc... He agreed (like you said) that it does turn him on too and he was happy that I listened. He seemed very happy, he was smiling:) and said he thinks this is a good thing, we won't have the kind of fights other couples do etc.... Yay for baby steps!
ReplyDeleteAwww, thanks, Jasmine - that's so sweet. Daddy is very wise and all around awesomesauce, lol. I've asked him that question lots, and he says it makes him feel confident and capable and protective. And that is perfection! I love giving that to him! And I'd give yourself a little more credit - it may seem a baby step in the action - but the ramifications and the foundation it laid is immense!
ReplyDeleteJasmine, That is so exciting...I will probably blog about this later, but wanted to say a similar thing happened over here at dinner tonight...he knows that I have been trying to lose weight so when I buttered my third slice of french bread...he gave me this look...I said, What?...he said, just wondering if that is going to help you reach your goals...holy cow that was hot! It was weird because my brain was telling me to have the dang piece of bread, but I knew that I shouldn't and he was calling me on it. So glad things are going well for you...can't wait to read more:)
ReplyDeleteBea
Thanks Bea:-) So nice meeting more people here. Blogland is my only (as well as I know most people's) only place to talk about this stuff! I think what it boils down to is that we want our men...the men we cherish and adore and have chosen above everyone else....to be MEN. To show their masculinty in a way that allows us to follow suit and embrace our femininity. if that makes sense. Its shows us they care. And when they notice these things, we get What we need and their needs are met when we follow, like what June said. I think she said it perfectly:)
ReplyDeleteIt's just sexy being expected to obey....and doing it. The very act of giving an order implies the expectancy of our obedience and the trust that we will do so. Trusting that we won't throw that buttered biscuit (or whatever "it" may be) in his face and tell him to stick it where the sun don't shine! Haha;) Can't wait to read your blog on this! Hopefully I made sense...I'm a little tired...
Thanks for reading!!
Jasmine