Monday, March 4, 2013

My first punishment...

Ahhhh time has gotten away with me again. We are so busy lately with the kids all involved in sports it seems if its not one thing, it's another. Forgive me blog land;)

Back to the topic at hand. On Saturday....I was punished. It happened much differently than I imagined in my mind it would one day go. I pictured receiving a spanking, being asked to stand in the corner of our bedroom...something along those lines. Anyways I'm getting ahead of myself here. Here's what happened:

I was in a somewhat (ok, very) stressed and sassy mood Saturday morning. We were on a tight schedule getting kids to their events and making sure everyone was ready in time. The day before this, friday, I had borrowed my Mom's car (and left my own car at her house) and I ended up leaving two crucial items in her car accidentally: one of our children's sports bags and my makeup bag. I called my mom early saturday morning to let her know I'd be coming to get them, and also my car. She wanted to be helpful and instead offered to bring my makeup and the sports bag over since she was going to be headed our way. I thanked her and accepted the offer. Mom calls me when she's on a street very near to my house and says "There's no makeup bag or sports bag in YOUR car". (Now mind you, at this point I have maybe half an hour to get myself ready). This is when I realize she's in the wrong car, I had already told her I left the items in her car...not mine, yet she drove my car over. I thought I had been very clear about which one it was in and I basically said as much. (Ugh I know, not cool).  I was very annoyed and gave my mom attitude. In my mind it made no sense that she would leave her house without looking to make sure everything was there! My husband could hear our conversation and gave me a stern look, one of those "hey watch your attitude" kind of looks. But I was in full fledged B$&@# mode already. When I got off the phone he reminded me that my Mom had done me a favor and that it was my own fault for forgetting those things in her car. He said he would drive to her house for me and pick those things up. (Telling this story back really makes me feel bad...what a little brat I was).  He told me I looked "beautiful and that he likes me better without makeup". Well that only irritated me more... I responded to him with a very sharp sarcastic retort "oh ok thanks, well because YOU said that now I'm just not going to wear any". He wasn't very happy, needless to say, and left the house to go to my Mom's. I felt bad instantly and sent him a text apologizing for my behavior. He didn't respond.

When my husband returned he handed our youngest son his sports bag and instructed him to finish getting ready because it was almost time to go. He walked past me in the hallway and dropped the makeup bag in my hand and said "You can open that tomorrow". I really wasn't sure I heard correctly, or that he meant what I thought he meant so I followed him back to our room. He was sitting at our desk and I asked what he meant by that. I thought for sure I had misunderstood him.   He thanked me for apologizing but explained that he didn't like how I spoke to my mom when she was covering for a mistake I had made and then he offered to fix that mistake as well and I gave him attitude also. He said he was trying to be nice by telling me how beautiful I am without the makeup but I snapped at him for that too. He then explained that I was so fixed on the fact that I wouldn't have enough time to get myself ready but informed me that I didn't need to worry about that now because I was not going to be allowed to wear any makeup that day. He said I could open my makeup bag tomorrow and wear it for church.

I was stunned.

He had never done anything like this before, and honestly I was banking on the fact that I thought he never would. That sounds horrible to say, but its true! (How quickly I forgot that I had handed over all authority to him and asked him to lead me and our family.) It's amazing how instantly humbled I felt in that moment. I realized how silly my stressing over the morning had been and it really was all for nothing. After asking a few times if he was serious, and if I could just wear a little which the answer was no...I submitted. I didn't say much but just got up on my husbands lap and buried my face in his neck and hugged him. There was no question that I was going to obey him, and in a way I really WANTED to. I understood perfectly what had brought this on (ME) and wanted to make it better.

We had such a great day after that. We went to both kids sports events and went to dinner out alone together at a pretty nice restaurant...all the while with my bare face for everyone to see. Now, honestly I go without makeup fairly often and am not afraid to be seen like that, but this time FELT very different. I hadn't CHOSEN to go makeup-less. I was in a sense "wearing" my punishment in a
way that of course no one else would know, but he and I sure did. I felt a certain "awareness" of that fact all day. It was a vulnerable experience, and I would have to say very effective. It really made me respect my husband so much more for recognizing what needed to be done and not wavering.

Happy Monday! And thanks for reading:-)