Friday, November 30, 2012

Hubby's Bday & The "Devil" On My Shoulder

Today is my sweet man's birthday. I want to take a moment to recognize what a great man/husband/father/friend/leader he is. I couldn't be more proud to be his wife. He works hard, he is smart, funny, super sexy;). Pretty much the whole package. Hehe

We've had a great week, lots of awesome love-making but man, we've both been exhausted in the mornings. 6:00am comes WAY too quick! He had told me earlier in the week he wanted to wait until his birthday (when we had the house with no kids) to have sex... the kinky kind at least.  I, of course, tried to be naughty and tempt him...wearing hot, red, lacy panties and flashing my bottom at him "innocently" as I undressed for the night. He just smiled and laughed..telling me "no, don't ask again".

In those moments, when its just us, I can't help but want to TEST him! I've told him several times "I don't believe you'll actually spank me" or tell him "No", just to see how he'll react. (I know, I know. I know what your thinking...thats not nice/respectful). It's actually a bit childish..I'm not proud:/  He can see what I'm doing, he's an intelligent guy so theres no point. He just says "I think you just want me to spank you." And the truthful answer is YES I do, but not if its not authentic. I don't want him pretending to be mad about something and spanking me. Not that sexual spankings aren't fun...I'm game for that too, but that belongs in a different category.

There's two sides to me at the moment, I very much want to to be a good/submissive wife. (He's the kind of man you just WANT to make happy...his heart is like gold.)But then there's that side to me that wants to KNOW he'll follow through, that he WILL discipline me. That he's not just "playing along".  I feel silly even saying that, but its true! I know he will direct me, and he'll even use a firm tone or expression with me if I'm not following. But there's that "devil" on my shoulder that wants to know what happens after all that.....

Maybe I should have titled this post like the Drew Barrymore movie Never Been Kissed...."Never Been SPANKED"??? Hehe

Thanks for reading!


Monday, November 26, 2012

"Direct orders" and the Christmas tree...

Since my last post, I took a little break from reading about and/or discussing DD with my husband. I wanted to give it a chance to become what it's going to be with out my constant pushing. For him to settle into his thoughts about the whole thing. I think that was a good move.  The funny thing is I was so worried after he told me he felt like he had to change..etc... But I can tell he really LIKES the authority and my willingness to submit to it. He makes little jokes, or remarks about him being the "head of household"... and even though he says it playfully I can tell its something that resonates with him. (now if only we could get him off his hang-up about Punishments! haha) All things in time, I suppose.

The other night we took the kids to get our Christmas tree, we brought it home and he started setting it up. Once it was positioned correctly in the stand he sat down on the couch. The decorating is usually up to the kids and myself. I got one of the chairs from our dining room table and stood on it to get the garland on top where I wanted it to be....he kinda voiced that he thought the chair didn't look sturdy and I wasn't real concerned. Then in the way I hear so many women describe "he got all HoH-y" and with a different tone in his voice, an amused but also serious look on his face, eyebrows up he gave me a direct order: "Jasmine, get down from the chair". I knew the kids were watching, all eyes on me. I felt this was a great opportunity to show them how I believe a husband and wife should behave. That I respect and obey their father. So I stepped right down off the chair, and that good sweet man stood up and told me he would get the high parts for me.

 I was so turned on in that moment, as weird as that may seem. I was kind of shocked that he told me (didn't ask...TOLD me) to do something in front of the kids. That he did it in a way that was still kind and respectful and wouldn't make anyone think twice.... The "knowing" look that passed between us, and the electric charge in the air was almost tangible. It was a moment, just one moment...but it meant quite a bit more. It meant that he understood me, that he "gets" it, that he cares. I think he understands now that being the head of our household and having authority over me/us/our family doesn't mean he's got to be an overbearing "jerk". The two things are NOT synonymous with each other.

This thing we do is probably going to be slow, it may even look different than I envisioned it would, but as long as I've got that man by my side all is well.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Second guessing...

The other night him and I got into a discussion, If you guessed about DD, then Ding! Ding! You are correct. These face to face conversations always cause me to clam up, like I'm trying to protect myself and I don't know why. I trust him more than any human being alive. But the second he questions me about what I want, how I see it, and why I want it my mind goes mushy. I hide behind a blanket all balled up or clench my hands and feet like I'm waiting for the downward drop of a rollercoaster. I'm scared. Why is it I can say the most intimate things when written down but when put into verbal communication I have nothing??

He told me his worries and honestly all his worries did....was worry me! He's afraid that we'll do this thing and go on another "course" and in the end I'll just end up thinking he's a jerk somewhere down the road...all the while thinking he's doing what I wanted. He feels like he has to change. And that makes me sad. I told him I don't want him to do anything he doesn't want to do, of course (where would be the submission in that... If I was dictating what we did?).

I'm feeling so vulnerable at the moment. Maybe the old saying "If it aint broke, don't fix it", was right. We had/have a good thing going already. We get along so well. What if I'm wrong about this?

Friday, November 2, 2012

A long shower and sweet beginnings...

I find it interesting that in most DD marriages/relationships the woman, or the wife, is so often the one to approach the idea and bring it to her husband's attention. (I fall into this category for sure). From an outsider's perspective I am sure the overwhelming conclusion would be the men are controlling and abusive and have brain washed their wives into "buying into" this idea. I first stumbled onto these type of blogs because of my google searches. I must admit, I was one of those women who poured through the pages of the 50 Shades trilogy with an equal amount of shock and excitement. It kind of woke something up inside of me that I could not ignore. Not that our sex was ever "bad"or in any way not good before, but we started mixing things up and trying things we hadn't done before and it was/is so fun. I knew though that part of what interested me (if I was going for honesty) was not just the hot kinky sex. In fact, that had little to do with this charged up, invigorated feeling inside me. I looked at the BDSM sites and they honestly scared me, some of it anyway. Being tied up and used for my husbands sexual pleasure is always a good thing... I'll go for that but there was something beyond the sex that inticed me. Then I found the DD community, first the Taken In Hand website and then LDD by Clint... and it connected for me. Again, as shocked and appaled as I was at first I kept coming back and reading more and more. I think it was hard to deny, even to myself, that I was just on the sites to gape in horror! Lol I wanted to feel that "ownership", I craved his authority, and wanted to feel his control over me. The idea that I was to obey him and there would be consequences if I did not, was altogether intriguing.  Finding my submissiveness wasn't hard, when I met him it was clear he had respect for himself and expected to be shown respect also. I don't think he conciously realized or was trying to convey that message, but he did and I fell in this wasn't a far leap for us in some ways. That didn't change the fact that I was beyond terrified to share this information with him that I felt made me "weird". I also knew I didn't want to have secrets or fantasies that he didn't know about, I wanted him to see what I saw and know what I was doing when I was on my phone for so long at night...and No, it wasn't Pinterest! Lmao! So my "coming out" to him went something like this:

ME: Honey, I sent you a few really really long texts....but I don't know if I want you to read them now. (I was second guessing myself and feeling so completely vulnerable).

HIM: "Oh?" his eyes perk up and there's almost a visible light that creeps over his face. I could tell he was humored by me. "Get my phone for me, would you?"

ME: "No really never mind, that's ok." (God, I can be so annoying, of course I wanted him to read them!) how disappointing would it have been if he said "ok why don't you delete them for me?" LOL!

HIM: "oh come on, whatever it is, it's ok. I want to read it". (I hand him the phone).

 He started reading and smiling and that's when I couldn't take it anymore; I stepped into the bathroom and took the longest shower of my life. I swear, I shaved every inch of my body that night as though my life depended on the smoothness of my shaved legs. I remember turning off the water, stepping out onto the mat wrapped in my big fluffy towel. I tried to think of more things I could do in there to delay. I brushed, flossed, moisturized... Lol I did it all! Finally there was only one thing left to do and that was leave the bathroom and face my husband.

I should have known better than to think he would be angry or judgmental but of course, my inner voice had gotten the best of me. He was sitting on the bed facing the bathroom door when I walked out and saw a (very cute) smile on his face. He told me he felt honored that I wanted to submit to him and what a good wife he thought I was. He assured me he didnt think i was weird at all. His only reservations were (and kind of still are) about punishing me. He told me I am usually always so
"good" and naturally submissive, he can't imagine needing to spank me for anything. Wow!!! (his
words, not mine.) And then of course he told me he doesn't want to hurt me or treat me like a child
which I understood but did my best to explain that I don't see it that way.

We made love that night and I felt so cherished. It wasn't kinky crazy sex, but the slow,soft, sweet kind that really embodies the term "making love". He took my towel off of me, and gently kissed and adored each part of me... I never feel quite as vulnerable as I do when he spreads my legs apart as wide as they can go and he just looks at me, taking all of my naked body in. I wanted him in such a deep and pleading way that night.... I am his.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Greetings Blogland!

Where to begin, where to begin?? It's so daunting starting out fresh with a blank "sheet", not knowing quite where to begin and yet having so much to say. I feel like writing this blog is important because I've got no one else to talk to about all these new experiences and all the questions that come with starting our DD marriage.... If that IS in fact what him and I are doing;)

I guess first of all my name is...well, I suppose you can call me "His Princess" or "Jasmine"(since that's the princess my husband says I remind him of). I am still on the fence about putting my name out there! Maybe I will soon. Anyways, I'm a mom, I have a good job (although I'd much rather be a stay at home mom, oh well can't always have what we want!). I love my husband fiercely. He's one of those men that people in general just can't help but like. I envy that quality in him.

Why DD? Well it's not that we have any real "issues". We get along very very well and because of our age difference, he's quite a bit older than me, he's always kind of naturally been the leader when it comes to him and me. We are Christian, and that plays a role in how I feel. I want to be the best wife possible and to be proactive about our marriage. I've seen more divorces than I care to speak about. I recognize that by God's design my husband is the authority over me and I am to be submissive to him. And oddly, I have found that I WANT to be. I want to make him happy, I want to obey him. In living out that role I feel that is honoring God. Now where does the discipline part come in? My husband is so easy going and just genuinely kind hearted. I can be a bit of a fireball, sassy, and if I really get going I try to control every little thing around me. I don't want to be that way and I have to say since meeting him I have naturally calmed down quite a lot. But those times I did go too far or give him attitude (that I regretted later).... I wish he had took me by the arm and looked in my eyes and told me it was unacceptable and if it continued I would be punished. So.... After a lot of thinking, researching, lurking on various blogs LOL, I told him just that. Of course when I did, I wasn't nearly as "cool, calm, and collected" as I sound right now;) I was so nervous and feeling so shy and vulnerable! But that's another story.....

Please feel free to comment...nice comments. I see things random people say to others around here and some of it is just down right rude/crazy. I don't expect everyone to like or agree with this but respect is always valued. Make no mistakes, I am in no way abused and never have been. I am a very happy wife/mother.

-His Princess aka Jasmine :)

Testing testing 123

Ok this is just a test. Trying to see if this will post and be viewable to everyone out there! If you happen to come by and see this it would be awesome if you left a little comment:) I've been having some "technical difficulties".