Monday, November 5, 2012

Second guessing...

The other night him and I got into a discussion, If you guessed about DD, then Ding! Ding! You are correct. These face to face conversations always cause me to clam up, like I'm trying to protect myself and I don't know why. I trust him more than any human being alive. But the second he questions me about what I want, how I see it, and why I want it my mind goes mushy. I hide behind a blanket all balled up or clench my hands and feet like I'm waiting for the downward drop of a rollercoaster. I'm scared. Why is it I can say the most intimate things when written down but when put into verbal communication I have nothing??

He told me his worries and honestly all his worries did....was worry me! He's afraid that we'll do this thing and go on another "course" and in the end I'll just end up thinking he's a jerk somewhere down the road...all the while thinking he's doing what I wanted. He feels like he has to change. And that makes me sad. I told him I don't want him to do anything he doesn't want to do, of course (where would be the submission in that... If I was dictating what we did?).

I'm feeling so vulnerable at the moment. Maybe the old saying "If it aint broke, don't fix it", was right. We had/have a good thing going already. We get along so well. What if I'm wrong about this?


  1. Hi, Princess, there are a couple of things maybe you could print out for him, that might help explain, what you need.

    Oh,my - the one from Lillie is from their old blog, but I bet if you emailed her she'd copy it for you. There are some more on our 'Favorite posts page'

    Our email is always open, for Ward or myself.

    Hope things are a little clearer now (((hugs)))

  2. Thanks June:) Things are a littlllleeee clearer but I think it will be a slow process. I've read in many other blogs that that is how you should take it...slow. And I guess it's time to heed that advice! I appreciate your help and encouragement so so much:)