A long shower and sweet beginnings...

I find it interesting that in most DD marriages/relationships the woman, or the wife, is so often the one to approach the idea and bring it to her husband's attention. (I fall into this category for sure). From an outsider's perspective I am sure the overwhelming conclusion would be the men are controlling and abusive and have brain washed their wives into "buying into" this idea. I first stumbled onto these type of blogs because of my google searches. I must admit, I was one of those women who poured through the pages of the 50 Shades trilogy with an equal amount of shock and excitement. It kind of woke something up inside of me that I could not ignore. Not that our sex was ever "bad"or in any way not good before, but we started mixing things up and trying things we hadn't done before and it was/is so fun. I knew though that part of what interested me (if I was going for honesty) was not just the hot kinky sex. In fact, that had little to do with this charged up, invigorated feeling inside me. I looked at the BDSM sites and they honestly scared me, some of it anyway. Being tied up and used for my husbands sexual pleasure is always a good thing... I'll go for that but there was something beyond the sex that inticed me. Then I found the DD community, first the Taken In Hand website and then LDD by Clint... and it connected for me. Again, as shocked and appaled as I was at first I kept coming back and reading more and more. I think it was hard to deny, even to myself, that I was just on the sites to gape in horror! Lol I wanted to feel that "ownership", I craved his authority, and wanted to feel his control over me. The idea that I was to obey him and there would be consequences if I did not, was altogether intriguing.  Finding my submissiveness wasn't hard, when I met him it was clear he had respect for himself and expected to be shown respect also. I don't think he conciously realized or was trying to convey that message, but he did and I fell in line....so this wasn't a far leap for us in some ways. That didn't change the fact that I was beyond terrified to share this information with him that I felt made me "weird". I also knew I didn't want to have secrets or fantasies that he didn't know about, I wanted him to see what I saw and know what I was doing when I was on my phone for so long at night...and No, it wasn't Pinterest! Lmao! So my "coming out" to him went something like this:

ME: Honey, I sent you a few really really long texts....but I don't know if I want you to read them now. (I was second guessing myself and feeling so completely vulnerable).

HIM: "Oh?" his eyes perk up and there's almost a visible light that creeps over his face. I could tell he was humored by me. "Get my phone for me, would you?"

ME: "No really never mind, that's ok." (God, I can be so annoying, of course I wanted him to read them!) how disappointing would it have been if he said "ok why don't you delete them for me?" LOL!

HIM: "oh come on, whatever it is, it's ok. I want to read it". (I hand him the phone).

 He started reading and smiling and that's when I couldn't take it anymore; I stepped into the bathroom and took the longest shower of my life. I swear, I shaved every inch of my body that night as though my life depended on the smoothness of my shaved legs. I remember turning off the water, stepping out onto the mat wrapped in my big fluffy towel. I tried to think of more things I could do in there to delay. I brushed, flossed, moisturized... Lol I did it all! Finally there was only one thing left to do and that was leave the bathroom and face my husband.

I should have known better than to think he would be angry or judgmental but of course, my inner voice had gotten the best of me. He was sitting on the bed facing the bathroom door when I walked out and saw a (very cute) smile on his face. He told me he felt honored that I wanted to submit to him and what a good wife he thought I was. He assured me he didnt think i was weird at all. His only reservations were (and kind of still are) about punishing me. He told me I am usually always so
"good" and naturally submissive, he can't imagine needing to spank me for anything. Wow!!! (his
words, not mine.) And then of course he told me he doesn't want to hurt me or treat me like a child
which I understood but did my best to explain that I don't see it that way.

We made love that night and I felt so cherished. It wasn't kinky crazy sex, but the slow,soft, sweet kind that really embodies the term "making love". He took my towel off of me, and gently kissed and adored each part of me... I never feel quite as vulnerable as I do when he spreads my legs apart as wide as they can go and he just looks at me, taking all of my naked body in. I wanted him in such a deep and pleading way that night.... I am his.